Nothing Left
by acwelch
Summary: My version of events regarding Jackson and April in the season 8 finale. Dark. First time author so please be kind!
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note - This is my first fanfiction and am in love with Japril. This is just how I can picture the season finale going considering how the past 2 episodes have kicked April around. Not planning on writing my own version of the plane crash because I am still borderline in denial about it happening in the first place! ;) Planning on it being multi-chapter. Any feedback is much appriecated! Please be kind! Oh, and of course. I don't own any of these characters, I just love Grey's.**_

"I have nothing left." The words she herself had spoken kept repeating in her mind. She doesn't know why it suddenly came to her. Yes, she had nothing left. Her career was in scrambles, her friends were laying on the pity and slowly distancing themselves from her and her failure, her promise to her faith broken, a disappointment to herself, and her family.

As April stormed away from Joe's bar, she realized something. She didn't have to try anymore, she could give up. Frankly, she had nothing more to give, and no one wanted her anyways. Jackson's attempt at kissing her had really forced herself to see herself in Jackson's eyes. Someone to be pitied, and to feel guilty for sleeping with.

"Well, it's hard to pity someone who isn't around" April thinks to herself as she stumbles down the street to her apartment. She makes a quick stop at the liquor store. It's funny, she never understood the urge to drown oneself in alcohol before she failed the boards. Now she gets it, for a brief moment, when completely intoxicated, she can pretend she's someone else. She suddenly understands why Christina and Meredith had such a personal relationship with tequila.

When she finally reaches her apartment, she's suddenly glad that Alex and Jackson are so busy with the hospital and trying to sort out their futures. She finally has a quiet apartment to herself; hopefully it'll stay this way for a while.

Not ever bothering to use a glass April opens one of the bottles of vodka she picked up and takes a slow drink. She drops her purse on the ground, and walks to the bathroom.

_Meanwhile at Seattle Grace…._

Jackson walks back into the hospital and takes a quick look at the board. He's just about to look for Owen to see if there's anything to be taken care of in the pit when he runs into Alex.

"Karev! Shouldn't you be on a plane?"

"Dude I know, Arizona pulled me off after hearing about Hopkins. Hopkins wants me, and she flipped when she heard that I'm considering taking it." Alex explains quickly.

"Wait… Hopkins? As in John Hopkins? They just gave you an offer?" Jackson replies, somewhat in shock.

"I know, crazy right? And one hell of an offer it is as well, so I'm off to Joe's to do some serious celebration drinking… you in?"

Jackson thinks about the offer for a bit, but decides after watching April slowly self-destruct that drinking is the last thing he wants to do. "Nah, I'm going to stick around here for a bit, see if anything comes in from the pit. Are you heading back to the apartment afterwards?"

Karev pretends to think about it. "Well… if nothing promising happens at Joe's then eventually… see ya!" He laughs and starts to walk away.

_Back at the Apartment…_

April finishes cleaning the apartment, writing the notes, and the first bottle of vodka. She definitely got a bit teary eyed when writing one for Jackson, but she wasn't really surprised by that. Judging by how fuzzy everything is getting, she decides that it's time to get this show on the road, she's really unsure of how much time she has alone in the apartment, and has decided that she does not want to be interrupted. This isn't a cry for help, and she has nothing left.

She's suddenly very thankful that Alex never got rid of those prescription painkillers from his surgery. He only took a few, and there's more then enough to get the job done. She cleans out the medicine cabinet, grabs her second bottle of vodka, and makes her way to the roof of their apartment building.

_Seattle Grace_

Word had just gotten in regarding a plane crash, all hands on deck. Jackson hopes that this is some sort of sick mistake. He's running to the ambulance entrance when Own calls to him.

"Avery! We'll need to get Kepner and Karev back here ASAP and neither are answering their pages. Can you get a hold of them?"

Jackson's momentarily taken back "Well, Last I saw April she was drinking herself into a stupor… something about not having any options left, and Karev was celebrating his brand new offer."

Owen stops for a moment, "Well help me get them back here, get them on a drip and sobered up. We'll need everyone. We can deal with whatever issues you and April have with my way of running the hospital later."

Jackson just shakes his head, and runs over to Joe's. He finds Alex quickly, and thankfully he's just leaving. He had finally answered his pages, only had one beer and was on his way back to the hospital. Karev is walking away from Jackson when he asks if he's seen or heard from April.

"Kepner? No, she's not in Joe's… doesn't she still have a few hours on her shift?" Karev asks.

Jackson shakes his head, "Last I saw her she was here doing some serious drinking. I guess I'll have to check the apartment"

Alex pauses and says, "Hey you go back to the hospital, I'll run and pick up Kepner. I probably should sober up a bit more anyways."

_On the roof…  
_

April is borderline shocked that she hasn't passed out yet, or thrown up for that matter. Bottle and a half of vodka and countless pills after a lifetime of being well behaved would affect a person more you'd think.

In the end she's glad, this means that everything is actually being absorbed, She's just exhausted. Exhausted of failing at everything, failing at the boards, failing at making friends, just failing. Heck! At least she's getting this partially right.

As she stares up at the stars, she's shocked that she doesn't feel colder. She's starting to fall asleep, and she's wondering why she feels so comfortable. She thinks she hears someone calling her name, but can't be sure as she finally falls asleep..


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note - Thanks to justanotherdistortedreality for their lovely review. Not sure if I'll continue updating at this pace! Enjoy the second chapter and please review! Any feedback is much much appreciated. **_

_****At the apartment..._

Alex is walking down the hallway to their apartment when he noticed that the door was slightly ajar.

"Hey… Apes! we have to get back to the hospital. Major trauma coming in, you're all over it right?... Apes? April?"

When Alex makes his way further into the apartment he notices how clean it is. He takes a mental note of April's shoes and coat by the sofa. Alex gently knocks on April's door, and says while opening it…

"Frick Kepner, I know failing your boards suck but you're still a doctor…"

He only finds an empty room, with a stinking feeling he starts looking in the bathroom, his room and Jackson's room. Alex makes his way to the kitchen when he notices an empty vodka bottle, and several envelopes with different people's names written on them. He picks the envelope with his name on it and opens it.

_Alex,_

I know you never liked me much, and I can understand your reasons why. I'm too perky, my voice too high, everything you've ever told me. But I wanted to let you know that I think you are an amazing and talented doctor.

You are better then you know, and deserve every great offer that Hopkins throws at you. Any child that gets you as his or her's doctor is a lucky one.

I wish you all the best, and hope you do many amazing things.

Love,  
_April_

__"Holy krap, holy krap, holy krap… This is a suicide note!" Alex runs to the bathroom, and opens the medicine cabinet to find that everything is missing from it. From Advil to his prescription painkillers.

_At the Hospital…  
_

__"Jackson! Where in the hell is Kepner and Karev?" shouts Owen while rolling an unresponsive Arizona into the ER.

"No clue Hunt! No one's answering their cells or pages!" Jackson answers, clearly worried about what could be taking Alex so long. He left him outside of Joe's about 40 minutes earlier.

"Hey! Hey! There's no time to think about this, we'll have to deal with this without them. Someone prep OR 1 for Arizona, Bailey and I will scrub in, obvious internal bleeding in the belly." Webber shouts over the commotion. "What the status on Grey, Little Grey, Yang, Sloan, and Sheppard?"

"Little Grey on route with crush injuries to lower body, Torres and I to operate. Avery you focus on Yang and Grey. Sheppard is still being searched for." Owen looks around and sees the look of horror on everyone's faces. "Come on everyone! They need us at our best! Call neuro! We're going to need as many doctors on this as possible".

_At the apartment…_

He runs into the hallway, and sees the neighbors coming out of the apartment.

"Hey! You guys! Have you seen a red head come out of this apartment tonight?" Alex runs up to the couple, clearly worried.

"Oh… April you mean, yea… seemed sort of out of it… She said something about seeing the stars, but that was almost 2 hours ago now…" The younger guy rambles on. Alex starts towards the staircase.

For about a month now, April's been bugging Jackson and him to come to the roof. Something about the view being amazing, and how you can see the stars much better. What did Alex do? Made jokes about it being a super lame way to spend a night off, and let April spend countless hours alone on the roof.

"April…. April! You better just be passed out drunk April! I swear to god!" Alex's yelling as he panics more and more. He starts running up the stairs. He pushes the roof access door open as he calls April's name again. He spots her passed out near the edge, half empty bottle of vodka and empty pain killer bottles near her right hand.

He runs over, and checks her airway. "April, April, April… what did you do?". April is breathing, barely. He calls 911.

"Hey, this is Dr Alex Karev calling from the roof of building 3105 53 Ave SE. I have a 29-year-old female, probable overdose on pain medication and alcohol. Respirations are swallow and irregular. Come quickly."

Alex takes his coat off and lays it over top of April. "Ok Kepner, you have to pull through this. You just have to keep breathing ok."

"Just keep breathing, I swear it'll all be ok"


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/I - Another thanks to the lovely folks who reviewed my story - misssrlove, vanillaXtwilight, and aaww. Let me know what you think of this chapter! As always, as much as I wish I was that intelligent, I did not create, nor do I own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters. _  
**

**Chapter 3**

_7 Hours Later – At the hospital…_

Jackson makes his way to the on-call room feeling mentally and physically exhausted. The surgeries are over, Little Grey might be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, and Arizona lost her life. Derek had to smash his hand, and possibly end his career to save his life. Mark, Meredith, and Christina survived with only scratches and the guilt of having made it out better then their 3 friends. Last he saw Torres, she was holding Sofia and sobbing into Mark's shoulder.

Jackson pauses at the nurses station, "Did anyone every get a hold of or Dr. Kepner?"

One of the nurses looks up, "No, neither ones have been heard from. I know Owen was looking for Kepner specifically. Seems unlike both of them to be ignoring their pagers."

Jackson re-routes his way to the locker room, and quickly finds his cell phone. He sees about 8 missed calls from Karev, and several text messages. The last text from Alex just says that April is in trouble and they are at Seattle Presbyterian Hospital. He scans through his phone to see if there's anything from April. Nothing,

"Seattle Presbyterian… why the hell would they be there?" Jackson thought to himself. He grabs his jacket and runs to his car, ignoring Mark and Owen calling for him.

As he drives, Jackson scans though the text messages..

"Dude, you need to call me like right fricking now."

"Avery, this is serious ok. Call me back"

"What was April like the last time you saw her at Joes? Do you know how much she had to drink?"

"Call me when you get here. Hurry up"

Most of the messages where similar versions of these, with more swearing as time goes on. Jackson finally makes it to the hospital, and parks his car. His phone starts ringing, it's Owen. Jackson ignores the call as he runs into the hospital.

He runs to the nurses station in the ER, and is momentarily stunned. He's not entirely sure what to ask for.

"Hey, I've…. Uhhh, gotten some calls from . Alex Karev, he should be around with April Kepner. Can you tell me if they're both ok?" Jackson asks a random nurse.

The nurse seems confused, he shakes his head "Karev… don't recognize the name Karev off hand… what was the other name you said? Kepner?"

Jackson stops, "Yea Kepner, April Kepner. Has she been admitted or something?"  
The nurse walks around the nurses station, and picks up a chart. "Yup, I knew I heard that name tonight. April Kepner, overdose. Are you a friend? Family member?"

"I'm a ….." Jackson pauses, not entirely sure how to answer that question. "Friend, yea… wait, did you say overdose?"

"Yea, I guess you didn't know already but she was brought in a few hours ago by a Ale…"

"Avery! About time!" Alex interrupts the nurse, "Thanks James, I'll take him in and explain"

"Karev, you better explain to me what the fuck is going on here. Did I just hear the words overdose and April Kepner in the same sentence from a NURSE at Seattle Presbyterian?"

Alex stops walking. "Yea Jackson, you sure did. But I figured that a text message probably isn't the way you'd want to hear that information, and I didn't think Kepner would want to be gawked at by Seattle Grace so here's my best option. Now I don't know what the hell happened, but something else is going on. People don't just try and chug 2 bottles of vodka and our entire medicine cabinet because of the boards. You're her friend! You've been her friend since being interns! Can you enlighten me as to what could shake Kepner up so bad that she'd think that suicide is the only option?"

Jackson takes a deep breathe and faces Alex, "It's none of your business. Besides, we don't know it's suicide, maybe she just got carried away. April wouldn't do this. It's not her. April would NOT attempt suicide"

"Well, April did do this, and luckily I found her in time. Just barely. She still hasn't woken up, but they managed to pump her stomach, and have her on some pretty decent drips now. She still hasn't woken up. As for can't be a suicide, I don't know about you, but the notes she left on our table read like suicide notes. At least the one for me did. Here's yours. I suggest you read it, then tell me if April just got 'carried' away" Alex hands Jackson the envelope with his name on it. "I managed to get her a private room, just down the hall and to the left, and not thrown into physch ward yet. Last I checked she's still sleeping, I'm going to grab us some coffee"

Jackson walks into April's room, and sees her laying on the gurney. She looks so small. You sort of forget that she's small working with her every day, seeing her in scrubs, and in surgeries.

"Oh April, what were you thinking?" Jackson asks, he sits beside her, and finally looks at what Alex shoved in his hands. It's an envelope. Obviously from a craft store, thick paper, blue color, something that of course April would buy. Probably to use for goodbye notes when she left Seattle Grace. He looks at his name written on it, and is suddenly terrified to open it. What if Alex was right?


	4. Chapter 4

****_**A/N - I'd like to thank the following for their reviews: unleased, justanotherdistortedreality, niafadra, lavenderlilly12, and extraho606. I've always wanted to write so this is my first story I'm putting out to the world, the encouragement has been fantastic and wants me want to write many many more stories. But one thing at a time... enjoy chapter 4!**_

**Chapter 4**

_At Seattle Presbyterian…_

Alex approaches the doorway, he sees Jackson holding April's hand, his head slumped, the unopened note from April in Jackson's other hand.

"Hey Avery, the coffee here pretty much sucks, but it's better then nothing." Alex hands him a cup, and leans against the wall.

"Thanks… Alex, what happened? When did you find her?" Jackson looks up at Alex, suddenly hungry for every detail.

"Oh" Alex is suddenly stumped "Well, after you found me at Joe's I went back to the apartment. First weird thing I noticed was that the door was slightly open, but I just shrugged it off and walked in. When I walked in, I saw her shoes, bag and jacket by the door. I called for her a couple times, went to her room when she didn't answer. Her room was empty. So I went to the living room to see if she was passed out there, that's when I noticed how clean everything was. And not just Kepner clean, I mean… scary clean. That's when I saw the notes and the empty bottle of vodka on the kitchen table. So I picked up the note she left to me, and read it. Now I've been around crazy people enough to know a suicide note when I see one. I checked the bathroom, and saw that everything was missing in our medicine cabinet. Luckily when I ran out into the hallway, the guys next door had seen up and she said she was going to see the stars. I figured that meant roof, so I ran up the stairs and found her passed out, barely breathing beside a few empty bottles of painkillers and half a bottle of vodka. So I call 911, and here we are."

"But she was definitely breathing when you got there right?" Jackson asks in a cold sweat.

"Yes, she was, she still is Jackson. April, she's tough, I'm sure she'll wake up any minute now."

"….Was she this cold when you found her?"

"Colder"

Alex and Jackson are silent, Jackson still holding onto April's hand as if his life depended on it.

Alex nods towards the note in his hands, "You gonna read that?"

Jackson just shakes his head, "I can't. Not right now. I can read her goodbye to me at this moment. Especially if we can get her to stay."

Alex nods, then asks Jackson "Do you know any reason why my pager and cell phone are being slammed by messages from Hunt?"

All of a sudden, all the other events from tonight come back to Jackson. The crash, Lexie, and Arizona. Karev's mentor just died. The entire time Alex has been here, pulling through for April with no idea of what was going on at the other hospital. Jackson wonders to himself how can he break the news.

"Dude… the look on your face is just making me nervous. What happened Avery? Hopkins didn't pull my offer did they? Oh I'd kill Robbins if she said something to screw this up for me…"

"No! NO! It's not that… it's worse." Jackson interrupts Alex in the middle of his rant.

"Worse? Avery… what the hell happened?" Alex asks Jackson.

Jackson stands up, "Alex… you should sit down. There was an accident"

Alex starts to pace, "Sit down, no I'm not sitting. Accident? What do you mean accident?"

Jackson takes a deep breath, "The plane, the plane taking Seattle Grace to the surgery. It crashed"

Silence.

Alex begins to laugh, "This is a joke right? Kepner trying to off herself and the plane I was suppose to be on crashing? It's a FRICKING joke right?"

"Karev, I'll stay here, you should go to Seattle Grace."

"Wait, what aren't you telling me? Avery! Don't you freaking hold out on me! I just saved your best friend from a very stupid and cold death on the roof of our fricking apartment building, you better say whatever it is you aren't saying!" Alex yells at Jackson.

Just at that moment, Alex's pager goes off again. It's Owen.

Alex looks at Jackson, then looks to April. He finally says "I'm going to Seattle Grace to find out what the hell is going on, you stay with April. She shouldn't wake up alone."

"Alex wait!-" Jackson starts but Alex storms out of the room.

Jackson stands in the room, somewhat in shock. He hears the vibration of April's cell phone go off again.

_Seattle Grace…_

Owen is sitting by Christina's bedside. It seems as though everything is fine with her. No complications with her dislocated shoulder, but he can't seem to bring himself to leave. He slumps forward in his chair, staring at his phone, with a stinking feeling in his stomach. Why can't be find the two residents that weren't on the plane?

"Who are you trying to get a hold of so frantically?" Christina mutters. Just barely awake.

"That doesn't matter, how are you feeling? Are you ok?" Owen leans over. Just happy to hear Christina's voice.

"Oh, I'm fine. Better then Lexie or Mark. Definitely better then Arizona. Now, who are you trying to get a hold of? The entire time you've been in here you've have about 10 frantic phone calls. Who can't you find?" Christina asks, mostly to get her mind off of the recent plane crash.

"Karev and Kepner. Really you shouldn't be thinking of this Christina. It's probably nothing"

"Well Kepner's probably off drinking somewhere. At least that's what I'd do if I was down to one option left. As for Karev… have you checked the on call rooms?" Christina laughs and looks at Owen. "Hey, what do I not know?"

"I had to cut Kepner's job. She has no options."

"What? Why? Kepner's an awesome surgeon. She had a bad day Owen! We all do!" Christina's voice is slowly raising.

"There was no room in the budget, to compete with Karev's Hopkins offer we had to get the money from somewhere!" Owen tries to explain.

"At the expense of Kepner. Well, you probably have room in the budget now." Christina starts to cry.

A nurse rushes in, "Dr. Hunt?"

"I'm a bit busy now, Can this wait?" Owen snaps.

"Well, you told me to inform you when Karev or Kepner finally get back. Karev's here, I've having him wait in the conference room."

Owen and Christina look at each other. Christina sighs and says "Go. Just go."

_At Seattle Presbyterian…_

Jackson has been just sitting by April's bed, willing her to open her eyes. Occasionally brushing her hair back. He remembers the first day he met April. The first day of his internship. He'd been flirting with Reed all day, just trying to make it through the first shift. He finally had an opportunity to grab some lunch so went to find Reed that day. He finds her in the lunchroom sitting beside the annoying, perky redhead that Reed seemed to hang out with constantly.

He went to sit down by Reed, hoping to continue flirting. As he sits down, her pager goes off and she leaves at a run. Jackson sighs and looks up at April. He starts to give her his most charming smile when she says.

"Considering I've been watching you flirt with my roommate all day, I'd say trying the same moves on me just isn't a good idea. Besides, we're here to become doctors, not to hook up" She looks up at him and smiles. "Really, I expected better from an Avery".

That was the first time he was blown away by her smile. April's always been an open book. She never tried anything with him because she thought he was out of her league so had decided to be friends.

Didn't she know that it was her that was out of his league?

He lays his head down beside her head. Tears dripping down his face. What he wouldn't do to hear his voice again, or to see her smile. He thinks of the years of wasted time. How stupid can you be to realize you're in love with your friend after 4 years after the fact?

April slowly wakes up; she blinks a couple times at the bright lights above her. She feels someone holding her hand and looks down. It's Jackson. She's alive. Why didn't it work?

"Why am I still alive?"


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N – Sorry for the long delay in posting, life got away from me for a bit. Thanks to the following for their wonderful reviews; lachicarebelde22, Words Unleashed, LoveforPenandDerek, niafadra, Extraho606.**_ _**I promise to try my best and keep updates coming to you more frequently. **_

_At Seattle Grace…_

Alex sits in the conference room, waiting impatiently. All he knows is there's been an accident, and no one's even let him know what about since we got here. He doesn't even know who, if anyone survived. A nurse just threw him in the room and told him to wait for Hunt.

Owen comes into the conference room, and immediately Alex is on his feet.

"Is everyone ok? What's going on? Is anyone dead?" Alex starts in immediately.

"Whoa Karev, just sit down. I'm assuming Avery told you about the plane crash?" Owen tries to slow the conversation down.

"I will not sit down! I need to know! Is Arizona ok? She was on my seat! She wasn't even supposed to be there! Meredith? Lexie? Christina? I need to know right now. I should have been on that plane; if Arizona is dead I need to know." Alex paces, wanting to know and wanting to hide all at the same time.

"Alex, Meredith and Christina are fine, minor injuries. Derek had a badly broken hand with a high possibility of infection. Mark is in recovery from heart surgery, little Grey had several crush injuries to her pelvis and legs…" Owen starts in, clearly not wanting to talk about Arizona.

"And Arizona? How's she?" Alex waits for an answer, staring at Owen.

Owen stands up, and grips Alex's shoulder "I'm sorry, but there's nothing we could do for Arizona. She had a badly broken femur and internal injuries. Despite our best efforts we… we lost her"

"No! Not Arizona! You're wrong!"

"Sorry Karev, but it's true"

Alex sits down quickly, and places his head in his hands. He starts to mutter while crying. Owen catches certain parts of it. "I can't believe this is happening…. Everything is so screwed up… plane crashes, Arizona died, Kepner trying to off herself. What the hell happened?"

"Wait… What did you say about Kepner?" Owen interrupts, "Did you say she tried to commit suicide?"

Owen and Alex stare at each other; a nurse suddenly bursts though the door.

"Chief! Sorry to interrupt, but it's about Lexie."

_At Seattle__ Presbyterian…_

Jackson snaps his head up. He just heard April say something. He's suddenly sobbing and hugging April.

"What were you thinking April? Why would you do that? You can't leave me April." Jackson hugs April as best he can when she's on the hospital bed.

"No, no, no, no… this isn't right. What are you doing here? Why am I here? Who found me?" April looks distraught.

"I'm here because of you; Alex found you and bought you here. What were you thinking April? You scared me so badly" Jackson says to her, wiping his eyes.

"I thought… I thought I couldn't go back to Ohio a failure, no one loves me, no one would miss me…" April starts.

"No one would miss you? I would miss you! Me! You know why I can't decide whether I should stay here? Because every time I think of leaving you I feel sick. Literally sick to my stomach." Jackson pauses, "Just, you can't scare me like that again. I won't leave you, I love you. I can't be in this world if you aren't in it April. I don't care if you're not working at Seattle Grace, if we have to go to Ohio to find jobs for us, I'll gladly go, I just… I just can't be without you."

"But Jackson…"

"No April! We can fix this, we can fix the no job, and no one apart from you, me and Karev has to know this happened. I will personally get your job back. You just have to promise me to not scare me again."

"Jackson…"

"April, no, let me finish. After everything that's happened tonight, I realize that you're the one. I'm an idiot for not seeing it before, and we need to be together while we have time left. We can't waste a minute. You need to understand…"

"Jackson, wait! Why are our pagers going off like crazy?"

Jackson didn't even notice that both his and April's pagers have been going off the entire time.


End file.
